There isn’t a scoop of protein powder that’s safe around you. You know that shirtsleeves are for quitters, and the only credentials you need to give (unwanted) workout advice are your rock-hard bis and tris.
You’re an alpha bro, a Broseidon, a Hulk Brogan, and you’re more than capable of flashing your fitness around the clock and outside of the gym. Bro Science breaks down some ways you can dominate 24/7:
The Steps
1. Flex at all times. Flex-worthy activities include:
Brushing your teeth.
Applying deodorant.
Taking a nap.
Driving. *Grip the wheel; flash your guns.
Shaking someone’s hand.
Making a cocktail. *Shaker required.
2. Lift whenever you can.
If you drop it, deadlift it.
3. Don’t just open doors, row them.
4. Work your triceps while exiting swimming pools.
Repeat often until failure.
5. Always offer to help friends move, even if they aren’t moving.
6. One-up everything anyone does, including yourself.
When walking up stairs, never take on one step at a time.
Can you steer a grocery cart with one arm while lifting more groceries with the other? Find out.
7. Remind people of your lifestyle as often as possible.
Carry your gym bag everywhere you go. Let them know that you’re always either coming from or going to the gym.
Let everyone know how much sleep, food, and space your massive body needs.
8. Always wear cutoffs.
9. Interrupt peoples’ conversations. *See all steps above.
10. Eat your reheated meals in front of others.
Be sure to mention how lean said meals are.
Bonus points for eating directly out of tubberware containers.
11. Don’t put your name on your food in the fridge.
Put your name on the fridge.
12. Eat everything in as few bites as possible.
Two bites is the maximum.
13. Use fabric hardener.
Toss rocks, foil, and various hard or sharp objects in with drying clothes. This will make your clothing more intense which will suit your alpha lifestyle.
14. Accept all challenges.
If the door says “push,” you should pull. If the doors says “pull,” you should push. Those aren’t directions; they’re a challenge.
15. Do a pre-workout immediately before going to bed to get huge while sleeping.
16. Lose the shaker and mix protein with your hands.
The Conclusion
Being alpha all the time isn’t easy. Breaking doors and pounding protein ain’t cheap, and all of your human relationships will likely suffer. That said, it’s even more vital that you’re the one who takes on the cause. If it was easy you wouldn’t do it. You’re a catalyst for intensity and a model of manliness for us all, besides, only someone with ripped delts like yours could shoulder all that weight.
