7 Ways Improve Your Relationship Under Quarantine

Establish space away from each other.

“My No. 1 tip for feeling connected is: You need to find time when you’re not together,” Dirty Lola says with a laugh. She knows what you’re thinking: How do you do that when you shouldn’t be going outside?

She stresses the importance of designating different spaces so you’re not physically with each other at all times. If you’re able to work in different rooms during the day — say, where one person is in the bedroom and another is at the kitchen table — take advantage of that opportunity.

“Not having personal space and time or space to not see another human feels like a luxury right now for people sheltering with other people, especially if you have other kids,” she says. Dirty Lola adds this creates space to come together for fun, relaxing activities, like a morning coffee break or a lunch hour.

What makes this effective is that carving out zones avoids the problem many of us are experiencing: this sense of “Oh, I’ve seen you all day.” Creating separate workspaces throughout the day, whether you’re working from home, cooking, or cleaning, allows you to recode your time together as rare and special.

Remember the bathroom is also the last sacred space for alone time. Remember you can go there in times of strife. Splash water on your face, take a minute to stretch, or light some incense.

Remember you don’t have to be a couple through everything.

With the COVID-19 pandemic, couples are doing everything together: buying groceries, running errands, disinfecting everything, and taking walks (while covering their noses and mouths and staying six feet away from everyone, of course). You might start to feel like more of a unit than ever before — which is a positive thing overall, but that can start to encroach on personal space.

However, Dirty Lola reminds that if each person takes time to do different tasks and feel independent, they can feel refreshed uniting with their partner. “You don’t need to be sewn together at the hip,” she says.

Try to find personal time that’s not work where you can be doing things solo. “If you enjoy cooking, maybe that’s your thing in the kitchen. Maybe your partner’s elsewhere playing video games, or reading,” Dirty Lola says.

It can be a game changer to designate time in each day where you both pretend like the other person isn’t home. Agree to ignore each other. Then, you can each do your thing or be occupied with your own thoughts without having to worry about offending your partner. “Even if it’s an hour, this is your time to do the thing you want to do,” Dirty Lola says.

This can make those times when you must function as a team feel more solid.

Create a fair chore plan.

“Finding time to sit down and divide house chores is going to be a thing that saves people,” Dirty Lola says, noting how people are home and things are getting dirtier faster. “And it will make you feel more connected.”

And, it will cut down on fights. If you haven’t already, sit down and assess what would make housework feel even. Consider a zone defense, where each person is in charge of a certain number of spaces or rooms, or a man-to-man attack, where one person does all the laundry while the other does the dishes. Stick to it.

“If you’re talking about whose turn it is to wash dishes or vacuum, you don’t need to be fighting right now over who was last to do something,” says Dirty Lola.

There’s enough to get aggravated about. Leave the mop out of it.

Cultivate shared hobbies and interests.

Having to shelter in place does open up unique opportunities for couples to connect. To nurture a deeper bond, figure out new things you might like to do together. If you’ve played a few board games in the past, consider delving into a new one or setting up a virtual game night with friends.

Are you both history buffs, but have never explored that interest together? Curate a documentary series for you to consume together. Do you both love to read? Establish a book club where you read the same book together; search online for discussion questions. Or, you can simply set aside time where you both read side-by-side.

“Whatever your similar interests are, try to find a way to still do those things,” Dirty Lola says.

Cook something special.

If you’ve gotten into a routine where you’re both making a big pot of spaghetti and eating it throughout the week in front of the television for the sake of convenience, consider going big with an elaborate new dish you can cook together. Set a nice table. See meals as chances to treat yourselves.

“Cooking in the kitchen together is a great way to bond. Put on some music, drink some wine,” says Dirty Lola. She also suggests making a multi-step recipe, or baking something new. Make it fun. Relish the time you have. “Couples can now ask, ‘What do we like to do, but don’t do?’”

Consider house projects.

Focusing on improving or beautifying your space isn’t just a handy way to distract from events outside it — it’s a meaningful way to deepen your connection, says Dirty Lola. She mentioned a couple she knows who are painting their house. One is tackling the bedroom, while the other is painting the backyard.

It’s a shared goal to make their home look nicer, but with built-in time apart. “It’s bonding time because they’re sitting and planning it out, and an actual thing to have a conversation about,” says Dirty Lola. “If you can have anything that makes for conversation that’s other than COVID, it’s great.”

It’s also empowering to achieve something that’s long been on your to-do list but you’ve never had time to do.

Get into the mood by getting fancy.

Especially after many weeks together, it might take a minute to get into ~the mood.~ A good first step, says Dirty Lola, is to make your spaces feel special. Make an effort to beautify things in a new way.

“I like making your room into a hotel. Make it very neat and clean, put everything away that needs to be put away, maybe put on the good sheets if you have good sheets. Make it feel like you’re not at home,” she suggests.

Grab flowers, light candles. Change the lighting so spaces feel different. There’s a lot of things we can’t change right now — embrace what you can, together.