Q: My wife checks my e-mail and text messages. How can I make her stop without seeming like I’m hiding something?
A: First off ask yourself, are you giving her a reason to snoop? Are you suddenly staying late at work? Are you not having sex as often? Are you less communicative than usual? If nothing is wrong with your relationship except maybe an overloaded work schedule, reassure her that you’re still 100% committed, but you’ve had some other distractions lately. Find ways to make time for each other so she knows she’s still a priority.
If that's not the problem—and she's just naturally nosy or paranoid—you have to chat with her. According to hypnotherapist and dating and relationship coach DeAnna Lorraine. "One partner should be able to check the other person's phone or email occasionally if they want to.”
For example you need to find the babysitter’s phone number or a best friend’s digits so you can plan a surprise. “However, spouses should have trust in each other and respect each other's personal space enough to not obsessively check each other's email, phone, and other items on a regular basis." Though you may not be hiding anything, her lack of trust is something that could destroy your relationship.
Honesty and communication are paramount in a healthy marriage. Lorraine suggests having a heart-to heart with your wife, telling her that while you're completely faithful and have nothing to hide, the fact that she regularly checks your email makes you feel smothered and like she doesn't trust you. Find out if she has any concerns about the relationship that she wants to talk about, and reassure her that she has nothing to worry about. Let her know if it’s OK with you if she occasionally happens to look at your phone, but you would feel more secure in the relationship if she stopped checking so frequently.
About the hot girlRachel Khona is a writer and sometimes performer living in Brooklyn. She has written for Cosmopolitan, Inked, American Way, Penthouse, Bust, and Your Tango, among others. She has been featured on radio shows “Broadminded” and “Poundstone Power” on Sirius XM, Ask Men’s video series, and Coed Magazine
