STEP 1: MASTER THE APPROACH Stop looking for that ultimate line. Just catch her attention, says Nick Savoy, a dating expert and author of Magic Bullets. “You just want her interested in the next thing you’re going to say to her.” Tell her about your trip to Prague or an interesting book you’ve recently read. Find a way to show her that you’re a multi-dimensional guy, without sounding pretentious or self-involved.
STEP 2: AVOID THE LULL This is where most guys hit a wall. “Never leave a conversation because you’ve run out of things to talk about,” Savoy says. At the very least, use something like, “that’s just like when . . .” to keep things moving. If you’re feeling confident, try the “cold read”—tell her something about herself based on her appearance or mannerisms. Point out her striking cheekbones or her cute laugh. Her reaction will open up a new avenue in the conversation.
STEP 3: THE REEL-IN “Confidence and humor are your biggest assets,” Savoy says. Make her laugh. Take control of the conversation. Just don’t overdo it—too often, guys fall into the habit of trying to be comedians or hogging the conversation. Be interesting and fun but make sure she’s part of the discussion as well. “You don’t want to yank on the line as soon as there’s a nibble,” he explains. “Women value what they have to work for.”
STEP 4: TAKE IT OUTSIDE Now think logistics. Ditch loud, crowded surroundings for something more intimate. “That’s where you’ll discover your shared interests,” Savoy says. “It’s where you build a connection.” You can’t really get to know someone when you have loud bass pumping in your ears. Ask her if she wants to go somewhere for coffee so you can talk. Then find a nice, quaint cafe—she’ll love seeing that side of you.
STEP 5: KEEP THE NIGHT ALIVE Obviously, you’ll want to avoid sudden separations, like an hour-long drive to your place in two cars. Give her a reason to come over—watching an old movie, for instance. But be careful: At this point, you should both know what you want, so don’t try to trick her. And always make sure that she feels comfortable. Your expectations should be to simply hangout with her and get to know her better—that’s when other things are most likely to happen.
