Whether it’s your wife of five years or a chick you just met at a bar, sex is an incredibly intimate experience—especially for the woman. So when you’re in the bedroom (or elsewhere…you rebel, you), it’s important to avoid unnecessary commentary that could ruin the mood, or worse— make her not want to sleep with you again. From discussing your sexual repertoire to assessing her orgasm, here are five subjects to stay away from during sex.
1. “Not like that.” Remember in grade school when you were taught to give “constructive criticism?” This does not apply to your lady in the bedroom. “It’s not very sexy or encouraging to be told our skills are subpar in the heat of the moment,” says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. “You should always frame it in the positive by talking about what you do like. How we say things to each other can make a huge difference in performance and sexual confidence.” Also avoid: “What are you doing?”
2. “My ex used to love it when I…” All women are different, so don’t lean heavily on past experiences—and definitely don’t discuss it. “Besides, who’s to say that the previous women didn’t fake their pleasure just to get you to finish quicker?” Levine says. ZING! Aside from that, Sexologist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. points out that “talking about your prior sexual encounters can drive a woman completely crazy—and not in a good way. She doesn’t need to hear about it, and if you bring it up, she’ll feel threatened and jealous. For a lot of women, that’s a dealbreaker.” Also avoid: “Let’s try this position that I did one time with…”
3. “I have to be out of here by 4:00.” “Making allusions to the idea that you don’t have much time to work with is a major mood-killer,” says Brame. “If you absolutely must talk about somewhere that you need to be, or the fact that you’re in a rush, at least wait until afterward!” Also avoid: “I need to wake up super early tomorrow.”
4. “I wish you had more ass to grab!” Here’s a newsflash: Women are often extremely insecure, especially when they’re naked and most vulnerable. “Pointing out things about other women’s bodies that you like, particularly ones that highlight what your partner doesn’t have, is a major no,” says Levine. Brame agrees, adding, “Anything that’s going to make a woman self-conscious is a female-libido kill. She’ll shut down immediately.” Also avoid: “What’s that weird red bump on your back?”
5. “Did you come yet?” Contrary to popular belief, “an orgasm does not define good or bad sex,” says sexologist and sexuality educator Megan Andelloux. “So please stop asking if she came or saying that you want to see her come. That puts way too much pressure on her.” Andelloux adds that if she did climax, she can choose to say something or not, but it’s important to remember that for a woman, having an orgasm does not equal having a good time in bed. “It can be lovely…but it should not be the goal.” Also avoid: “Are you going to come soon?”
