Q: My girlfriend used to orgasm as soon as I touched her, but lately it’s taking longer and longer. And sometimes she doesn’t come at all. What’s going on?
A: This is a toughie because you know she has the potential to be extremely responsive since low sex drive wasn’t a problem in the past. First, ask: What’s changed besides her sudden lack of orgasms? If your sex life has been in something of a rut, try spicing it up. Get it on in an unusual spot, add a vibrator to the mix or experiment with role playing. Dr. Michael Krychman, a sexual medicine gynecologist and certified sexual counselor, advises trying to enjoy the ride rather than rushing to the finish line. “Focus on sexual pleasure rather than sexual goals,” he says. Next time things get heated in bed, ask her what she wants. It may have changed over time, and you might be surprised how quickly she climaxes once she takes control.
If you’re still stumped, know that there are a number of other possible culprits, both physical and mental. If she’s recently started taking birth control pills, her new hormone levels may be squashing that orgasm. And they’re not the only medications that can have an impact, so see if she’s started any new prescription. Often, the problem is simply that she’s under a lot of stress or feeling distracted. Unfortunately, the ability to climax can be killed by countless factors, some of them completely unexpected. For example, a new study shows that women who frequently ride bikes with low handle bars can have decreased blood flow to the pelvis, making them less likely to reach that screaming O.
While blaming it on her new exercise regimen is convenient, remember that the problem may still be something deeper she’s withholding. Open up the lines of communication, try to have an honest conversation and be willing to accept the worst—that she’s not as passionate about you as she once was. “She may be having serious doubts about your relationship’s future,” says Dr. Krychman. “And the biggest sex organ for women is their brain.” When she feels that your emotional connection is lost, the orgasm is often the next thing to go.
About the Hot Girl: Rachel Zar is a magazine editor based in New York City. As a freelance writer and editor, she’s covered a variety of topics including women’s health, dating, relationships and the arts.
