“I’m scared to ask my girlfriend if she’s open to kinky sex. Any suggestions?” —Daniel l., New Rochelle, NY
Though I wouldn’t give her a ball gag or surprise her with a golden shower, your girl is likely open to kinkier things than you might think. She may be curious about being tied up or blindfolded and maybe even role playing. Of course, the best way to figure out what she’d be into is to have a conversation about it, but it’s also possible to take baby steps in a kinky direction.
Begin by using props you have instead of purchased gear that may intimidate her. For instance, use your own shirt as a makeshift blindfold or hand tie. Or use her shirt, which you can slip off and hold around her arms for a few seconds, gently pinning her. (It’s a lot less daunting than pulling out under-the-bed hand restraints.) and if you want to dabble in role playing, start out by simply acting like a different person in bed; you don’t have to go full-on “I’m the pool boy,” with a detailed backstory and new accent, but she’ll appreciate a subtle change of pace.
But a final word of warning: Don’t get too kinky without a conversation about it first. And never, ever try these kinky acts without a clear green light: asphyxiation, anything that causes pain, anal sex, or involving a third party. Otherwise, go crazy.
