The easiest way to heat up sex (without getting too kinky)

Say you’ve been married for a few years, and the sex is good but you wouldn’t mind spicing it up a little—without going too far.

Here’s how to hit the sweet spot, according to our experts.

Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., psychotherapist/sex therapist: The best way to kick sex up a notch: Start early. If you want to have sex on Saturday, start on Wednesday.

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I’m referring to “aural” sex: your words. But don’t start talking porn with her. Use your inside voice. Whisper in her ear. Tell her she’s beautiful, that you love her soft skin and can’t wait to see her naked this weekend.

Let her know what turns you on about her, and the fantasies you have about what you’ll do when you’re in bed. Create erotic anticipation using her No.1 erogenous zone—her imagination. The build-up will be worth it.

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Michael Aaron, Ph.D., psychotherapist/sex counselor: Begin by making sure she knows you think the sex is already great (don’t forget this step!), then add that you’ve been thinking maybe it could get even hotter.

After that, ask if she has ideas—I’ve found choosing from each other’s menus of activities is a great way to heat things up.

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