You think you have the moves? Well, hotshot, we’ll bet at least half the things you’re doing in the bedroom really do drive her crazy-and not in a good way. We sent the MF Sex Squad to the streets of New York to poll 1,000 women. Their mission: to find out the ladies’ biggest pet peeves under the sheets. Here are the top 10 responses.
1 You only perform fast, jackhammer-type sex. Why: “It feels more like you are trying to puncture a lung than give me an orgasm,” says Liz, 21. “That just makes me numb-varying your rhythm keeps it interesting.”
2 You stick your tongue inside her ear. Why: “It’s like getting hit on the side of the head with a big wave,” says Ashley, 19. “Or a large, wet jellyfish.”
3 You think just inserting your fingers into her vagina is enough to get her off. Why: Penetration alone won’t do. “You can’t just go in and feel your way around,” says Jen, 27. “You’ve got to have a plan of action.”
4 You vigorously tweak her nipples. Why: Pinching with varying degrees of pressure depending on her cues? Good. Sadistic, 180-degree turns? Not so much. “You think it feels good?” challenges Deanna, 29. “Let me do it to you and see how you feel about it.”
5 You lick her belly button. Why: “It stays wet in there a long time and ends up feeling sticky,” says Julie, 23. You want to use your tongue? Head south.
6 You talk dirty to her-in a derogatory way. Why: Some girls get off on it-but not all. “Being called a dirty whore doesn’t turn me on,” says Katie, 32. “It just pisses me off.”
7 You hit any part of her body with your erect penis. Why: “It just makes me want to slap it back,” says Trina, 20.
8 You switch it up too much during oral sex. Why: “Variety is good,” says Eva, 30. “But once you’ve hit the spot and I’m enjoying myself, stay with it. I don’t want you to move on to something new.”
9 You excitedly suggest she try something you’ve seen in a porn film-because, after all, the girl was having so much fun. Why: “She gets paid to do that,” says April, 24. “We don’t.”
10 You put your hand on the back of her head when she’s giving you oral sex. Why: “That is way too controlling,” says Karen, 26. “And it makes it seem like we’re only there to please you and do your bidding.”
What She Said…
Women’s biggest pet peeves between the sheets, as revealed to our crew.
Krystal 24 “I hate when guys are all over me in the morning! Whenever I’m trying to sleep, they’re breathing on me with their horrible morning breath and poking me with their morning wood.”
Gabriela 25 “I can’t stand it when men act like they know everything, and instead of pleasing you, all they’re trying to do is please themselves-selfish bastards.”
Lindsay 23 “I hate it when a guy thinks cleansing your face with his tongue is considered French kissing.”
Camille 30 “I hate it when guys are completely naked but forget to take off their socks.”
Leyla 25 “Guys need to spend more slow time on the breasts. Just take your time and work it out. You don’t have to hit points A, B, and C in three seconds.”
Mady 35 “What men do wrong in bed is they speak! They should just keep their mouths shut and keep it moving. And never ask, ‘Are you there yet?'”
Sylvia 28 “My biggest pet peeve is when a guy is eating you out and he separates it and opens it like it’s a science project. It’s as if he’s taking notes that he has to study before he does anything. And you totally fall asleep while you’re waiting for him to handle his business.”
Lauren 25 “I hate when guys pressure you to orgasm. They get really pissed off when you don’t-most just assume that they’re God and can make any woman cum.”
Denay 27 “I can’t stand when the sex goes on too long and you’re just not into it anymore.”
Shelly 32 “My problem is that once men have their orgasm, most of the time they think they’re finished and the woman is left stranded, unsatisfied, and frustrated.”
